1. |
Beginnings
02:51
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We walked side by side
Down the wide black asphalt covered streets
Past each red brick house, its dying lawn
Odd clumps of rose bushes pink and green
Not a soul in sight, not a voice to be heard
Is this what hell would look like? I said to her
Is this what hell would look like?
In her polka dot hat, long sleeved shirt
ill-fittingly thrown over her green lace dress
To which she never replied
And the beginnings of tears form at the corners of eyes
And stay, paralysed, unable to return
My body frozen still, entrapping the tears within its mechanical frame Containing them
And the only words I can utter
Are the barest echoes, of the chaos, the contradiction
I hold within me
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2. |
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If I reach out my hand to touch you my fingers would go right through
You turn your head and smile at me, I go through the motions too
If we could be as free as ghosts, not chained to these fateful husks
If only we could fix ourselves these gates may not be shut
But the world has placed its burdened hand, kneading us to its mold
It didn’t take it long to find us both we were only five years old
And now its mark has burrowed in to leave no blemish on our skin
So that even we forget that we are broken now and still
But we strive and fight to be, all that we can
We defy the structures live by our hearts, in hand
But the brighter the light the darker the shadow
I reach out my hand to touch you, you recoil and flinch
Patterns laid on patterns, the past on the present infringes
You reach out your voice to comfort me but it goes right through
Drowned out by the cacophony of voices saying she doesn’t love you
But we shine so bright in the, outside world
People look up to us, we care for our fold
But the brighter the light the darker the shadow
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3. |
These Walls
04:32
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These walls confine me, unnaturally white
These walls confine me, yet keep me out of sight
This city condemns me, buried in out filth
This city condemns me, yet keeps my coffers filled
And the world burns
These highways paralyse me, bitumen smothers the green
These highways paralyse me, yet take me where I need to be
And the world burns
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4. |
Fate is (a Bastard)
03:42
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I ask the butcher, how she slaughters the lamb
I ask the butcher, but she doesn’t give a damn
I ask the moon, why she pulls the waves
I ask the moon, but she is too far away
There is a stench, underneath it all
There is a rot, no matter how we grow tall
I ask the princess, in her tower of gold
How is it to be locked away, watch the future unfold
But she couldn’t hear me, no, she couldn’t hear
I ask the fisherman’s wife how she poisons the seas
With the immortal husks of all the goods she needs
And she cried out to me
There is no choice
We have no choice
There is a stench, underneath it all
There is a rot, no matter how we grow tall
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5. |
No Shadow Falls
03:17
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In a world where I can see the edges, no shadow falls
In a world where I can see the edges, no shadow falls
Don’t step on the cracks in the concrete
Tap your teeth every post the car passes
Count the lines in the ceiling boards
And make sure you’re looking at the dead center
Make sure you’re looking at the center
Every time you enter a room
Your eyes find the places to hide from window sight
Every time you enter a room
Your eyes find the places to hide
Once you’ve got a name once you’ve got a story, no shadow falls
Once you’ve got a name once you’ve got a story
The truth can’t touch you anymore
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6. |
This I Can't Understand
05:06
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An orange glow framed your pointed features,
Your bright eyes, your pale freckled skin
Your auburn hair caught the restaurant lights
That warm aura like the sun perpetually setting behind you
I could barely look at you, every moment aware of your presence
Across the white clothed table from me
The flashes of your white toothed smile
Responding to something your best friend declared
Her voice loud joking in the din
But your eyes return to me, every now and then
I feel that nausea deep in the pit of my stomach
I never heard you play your violin
I was never allowed into the written world of your fan fiction
Our hands never touched, except for that one accidental moment
Our hands brushed each other’s walking along that concrete footpath
I never taught you to dance, we never got past our one brief lesson
Underneath that white rotunda on a warm night in April
But your eyes return to me, every now and then
and this I can’t understand
How is it I can count the number of times I have seen you
On only one of my hands
After an adolescence of dissociation somehow you
had meant everything to me
How can the world still revolve
How can the waves still lap at the shores, the birds chirp their melodies
When the world can offer everything
To a bruised seventeen-year-old boy and then take it all away again
Just moments later
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7. |
Your Turquoise Satin
04:00
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The street opens out before us
Bustling with people and cars it has nothing to hide
My dinner jacket holds me tight around my shoulders
My black bowtie wraps itself around my neck
Your turquoise satin sweeps the ground beneath you
The orange light reflected in the locket at your breast
Our hands too tired to reach and touch each other
Our feet rooted in the ground
Is there anywhere to go from here
Is there anywhere to go
We reach out in the dark, our hands held out before us
We both want to, we would if we could
In the dark our doubts carry, our feet rooted in the ground
Is there anywhere to go from here
Is there anywhere to go
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8. |
Two of You
03:31
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Are there two of you? Living in the one
Are there two of you? As we become undone
You look at me your eyes cold, your face blank and staring
Your knuckles pressed to white, we sit silent side by side
Are there two of you? Living in the one
Are there two of you? As we become undone
I am looking at you with hatred, I am pressing too hard
I said the wrong thing again, yes I am the evil one
Your body frozen, a dead weight in my arms
Your lips thin and pressed together
Like I was kissing a skull
Are there two of you? Living in the one
Are there two of you? As we become undone
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9. |
This Shadowed Beast
02:39
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It doesn’t take much for this shadowed beast
To break from its hiding and swallow me
So I slide down it’s warm red insides
In an absence of light, and absence of hope
It doesn’t take much, for this shadowed beast
To break from its hiding, and swallow me
My arms stapled, to my sides
My mind left to contemplate the failures it can’t escape
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10. |
Monday and then Saturday
03:35
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Floating, the days ahead of me
Weightless, in this moment suspended
The pain awaits
And the small moments, castles built in sand
A green snake curling under foot
The waves crashing down above me
Send the slightest tremors, through the grey
That surrounds me
I waited too long, my self drifting away
Floating in the lives the plans of others
Too far, too far
My face faceless, my identity dissolved
The pain awaits
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11. |
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A crow flies westward, perhaps towards my mother
A nail scrapes down a worn green chalkboard
Mimicking an incessant internal scream
A pen fails in the telling
I lived my life as longing, the memory of a touch of a hand
Enshrined in white, entombed in my future
I lived my life as longing, the memory of a touch of a hand
A pen fails in the telling
(We all carry our hell within us)
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April Laczko Brisbane, Australia
A Brisbane based musician basking in the melancholic, frolicking in the experimental.
Find me on facebook here: www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100063604655213
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